I'm jealous of your bromance
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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