Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
