Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
