i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
