I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize