I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
