dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
