just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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