The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
