you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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