My first STD was from a foam party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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