I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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