He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
