There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
