Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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