It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
