my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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