I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
