he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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