he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize