Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
