you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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