I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
