Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
