I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
