I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
