u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
