spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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