Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
