GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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