My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
