The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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