im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
