Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
