I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
