If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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