You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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