If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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