singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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