nut hugger
I wanna bring you to show and tell
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize