level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
