i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
