Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
