she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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