Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
