why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
