are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
