Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
