i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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