A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
