Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do herpes really smell.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
