I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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