I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
