im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
