I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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