Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
