Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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