I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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