I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
