There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I did not marry a roomba.
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