maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
