Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
