I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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