I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
