I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
