she woke up with a sticky ear
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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