The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
love makes seman taste better
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
