Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
