You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
