So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
