So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
