Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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