I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry about my life...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize