were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
