i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
