Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
