No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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