what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and she was petting her beer can
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You may now shotgun with the bride
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
