she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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