I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
