i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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